


A Study In Love and Lust

by Jacinta



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: BDSM, Comfort Sex, Fluff and Smut, Healing Sex, Marathon Sex, Morning Sex, Multi, Orgy, Rough Sex, Shower Sex, Succubus, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 08:24:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1975893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacinta/pseuds/Jacinta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Penelope Garcia is many things, technical extraordinaire, bold fashion statement, a FBI employee, a very happy and bubbly woman, but also a succubus. As in a needs-sex-to-survive succubus. In a new job with insanely handsome or insanely pretty profilers it would be a strong woman who could resist even a little fantasy about them. With a fundamental need for good sex what's a girl to do but try them all on and see what happens? Not even Penelope could have anticipated things would turn out like this but she's very happy they did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came about because I was tired of Spencer being the focus of my story and this is quite possibly one of my favourite het pairings to write. I hope you and enjoy it and please give me feedback, I yearn to absorb any advice and comments you can bear to part with. On that note I'm also looking for a beta for much darker fics than this... if anyone is curious...

It had started so long ago, once she’d joined the team Penelope had decided she would sleep with them all, it was a very succubus thing to do after all and no one would complain. Part of who she was meant a lot of casual sex that no one _ever_ regretted because one, best sex of their life, two, succubus, and three, _best fucking sex of their lives._ So yeah, a little succubus charm was that no one ever complained about sex with her, as, just in case it wasn’t already obvious, it was the _god damn best fucking sex that they ever have and if they get sex half as good again then that would be amazing._ Hard to regret that.

The decision had come after a night with Derek Morgan, back then he was still Eyebrows, Luscious Lover, Statuesque god, Handsome hunk, something along those lines at least. While Penelope wasn’t one of the drop dead gorgeous leggy babes he normally fell into bed with she did have certain undeniable charms and chemistry had started right from the beginning. So when she was having trouble fitting in, even with the other FBI techs, she went crying to him, well, the whole team but he was the one who found her first.

Morgan had taken her to his place, with the go-bag she kept in the office just in case, and cooked a delicious dinner before massaging her shoulders while they watched an old Marilyn Monroe film. It was then she decided that while this was lovely and would make her feel better a few orgasms would quite possibly fix the problem completely. Sniffling at both the plight of Monroe’s character and herself she pressed into the warm, powerful body next to her earning an arm around her shoulders. It would be difficult to convince him it wouldn’t affect work but it would be worthwhile. Also see how well we can avoid childish puns over ‘hard’ things? Very impressive.

When the film ended she had asked if he had a larger shirt she could wear for bed, that one shirt that everyone has which is way too big for them and way too long to really be a shirt. After a brief search in his closet he handed it over, turning back to pull out something he could wear because of course Derek Morgan slept naked. She had stripped and timed it so that as he turned around the shirt would just fall past her hips giving him a peak. The spark of lust in his eyes when he saw her standing there in one of his shirts and a puddle of her own clothing still with the stockings she’d worn in the office, it was impossible to hide. The final push to turn the evening from comforting to sexy came when she stepped forward as though to turn and collect her clothes but skilfully tripped into his arms instead, head thrown back in perfect position for a kiss which she deepened.

He fled to the living room, afraid of changing their fledgling relationship and making things more difficult for her in the office. Soothing his fears was unexpectedly easy, it wouldn’t change their relationship and it was only one night never to be mentioned again, her preferred system. To prove her point she straddled his lap and kissed him dirtily.

Penelope teased him, letting him get her off three times and giving her one of her best sexual energy feeds in years. Yes, this was what it was to be a succubus, trying to be faithful to Shane had been hurting her. Derek was passionate, driving her further and further, relishing the sounds she made and sending it back as pure energy, she pushed him for more, sucking his cock right down to the base and swallowing every drop. Eventually they made it to the end of the hall, about the time Penelope gave up on time keeping so probably an hour or two since they started. Or maybe three. Regardless they still didn’t make it to bed, fucking against the bedroom door before they decided that showers were essential which naturally led to shower sex.

By the time they fell into bed they were already half asleep and extremely grateful that it was Friday and they could sleep in tomorrow. Well, Morgan slept in; Penelope was always up early after good sex, tingling with the excess energy that would draw everyone’s eyes to her until she used it up. Of course she used most of it to make everyone around her happier, a little sexual energy goes a long way to making happy people and having fantastic sex was such a chore. By the time she felt Derek could be woken up without being mean about it she had made breakfast and decided to wake him up the fun way. Wriggling under the sheet she wrapped her mouth around his cock and savoured the tiny little sounds he made as he woke up.

Once he was up he carried her to the kitchen where he deposited her on the table without breaking the kiss. Penelope almost screamed when he worked his mouth lower and threw out the energy to keep the plate of food warm, she could keep it on the lower side of an edible temperature but it would be enough. Derek ate her out with a skill that Penelope had missed, and afterwards they ate breakfast, lightly flirting. He drove her home a bit before midday, making sure she made it inside like a true gentleman, she appreciated it since she was glowing after a good feed, it made people look at her and anyone who wasn’t firmly asexual or attracted to men only would find themselves watching her. Having those protective eyes on her back was comforting, a security blanket to the other gazes.

On Monday morning he finally flirted back at the level Penelope wanted and their relationship was set with casual flirty that would never lead to sex again. She also spread some of the energy he’d given her out around the agents and analysts who she was having trouble with, nothing like a little sexual distraction to make people happier. From there it didn’t take her long to worm her way into the hearts of the BAU team and half the building and everyone stopped hassling her about wardrobe and small little things. Penelope was different but everyone found she brightened the grim offices up and after a period of adjustment they accepted her without knowing the full reason why.

 

Elle had been the next target, or rather the first intentional one, and it barely took any work to go home with her after the first bad case. She told the team she would look after Elle, no one wanted to leave each other alone after a bad case but when it was the first one it became law basically. Of course it had been difficult for her too, so that was the guise she used to get in the door but from there it only took a few moments to see what was needed.

Penelope was more than happy to give up control to Elle, the newest agent didn’t need to seriously hurt or be hurt she just needed to be in complete control, and the freedom to get a little rough. All of which the succubus was quite pleased with. To start it off Penelope let Elle feel protective, then she kissed the other woman gently, hesitantly, and was rewarded with a kiss that was all teeth and desperation. Penelope moaned and clutched at her arms and from there Elle took over.

She ended up spread out on Elle’s bed, wrists trapped by scarves at the headboard and ankles trapped by two belts at the footboard and a fine sheen of sweat rolling over her. Tomorrow there would be bruises, all the marks that would keep her energy up, giving small little bits of energy whenever one ached or made someone wonder about it. It didn’t take much return energy for Elle to pull Penelope apart beneath her, driving the succubus through so many orgasms Penelope’s throat was hoarse.  It was divine.

Morning sex didn’t happen really although Penelope did _serve_ Elle in the shower, tenderly washing her and eating her out propped against the wall carefully before drying her off and dressing her with the prefect air of submission. A wicked joke about not expecting this from Penelope they agreed to keep it at one night and to themselves, a magical bubble moment that would sit happily in their memories, not to be ruined with failed attempts are repeating it. Elle didn’t give quite as much energy as Morgan in the end but it was still enough that Penelope could take the edge off the bad case on Monday.

 

That’s what Penelope did; this is why she always felt that ‘succubus’ was a misleading term what with the image the media portrayed. The idea of sex demons harvesting souls or draining life force was not entirely accurate although there was that kind of succubus too. Sure, they all needed sex to live, be healthy and enjoy certain perks of the situation but there was more than one way of absorbing all that sexual energy. Penelope was the kind that simply took what was given; no need for soul sucking or life force stealing because what she fed on was pure, unaltered sexual energy. They expended it anyway, it was basically recycling energy. Hell, they didn’t even need to have sex, any sexual desire pointed in her direction was good enough, flirting with Morgan was like a bowel of chips to peck at all day.

Or at least that was how she explained it to Dr Reid. She explained how she gave some back to push her partner further, not too far, never too far, but just enough to ensure it was the best sex of their lives. Sitting on the ottoman stolen from his lounge room and holding his hair as he threw up she explained what she was, her dark deep secret. Once she’d heard about the missed plane she’d accumulated as much energy as she could carry and gone over to help him through, giving him calm post-coital feelings mixed with enough energy to move. Of course she neglected to mention that she’d been supplying small amounts to him every time she saw the boy genius after Hankel, little bits to keep him from sliding too far, but she didn’t expect him to remember much of this.

Penelope didn’t sleep with him that time, he was tired and weak, while sex certainly cheers a being up it would have done more harm than good right now and Penelope did her best to never harm. Instead she turned to JJ, once Reid was laying in bed sleeping off the strain of cold turkey detox, when there was nothing more she could do for him. JJ was gentle and playful, not the greatest feed but Penelope was ravenous after expending so much to keep Reid strong.

When they kissed it was a tease, a seductive dance of seeing who would push things further while they both pretended this wasn’t exactly what they needed. Penelope had an unfair advantage, she could push JJ further without JJ even knowing what was happening, so it was only natural that JJ broke the kisses and led Penelope to the bedroom where they carefully peeled back each other’s clothes and worshiped the body before them. When they ate each other out it was a game, driving the other right to the edge and holding them there as long as possible before letting them tip over.

Wild and even a little rough was more Penelope’s style but slow and sweet was never bad, and after the week she’d had it was like a deep tissue massage for the soul. They fell asleep exhausted and slept in, well JJ did, Penelope woke up early and walked to the shops to buy some fruit so they could have crepes for breakfast. Delicious and with a touch of nutella it was perfectly indulgent for the easing back to friendship. When she finally woke JJ up they ate, discussing a certain Detective Will that Penelope was never allowed to mention, she understood the desire to keep certain things separate from the team.

 

Aaron Hotchner was a challenge but oh so fun. Still reeling from the divorce and secretly terrified of the serial killer after him he was certainly _not_ thinking of sex or having a happy rebound or one night stand. She did her best to feed him happy thoughts but he closed himself off more and more from happiness and the team. When normally she could prompt a little casual, idle fantasy that everyone indulged in, out of him and all she got was a stern look and a suggestion to sit in on the next sexual harassment seminar she knew it was time to take drastic measures.

Thankfully there was a case that gave her a good excuse to need comforting and with no one in the Hotchner house other than boss-man himself it was only too easy to weasel an invite out of the man. Just for dinner but it would get her in the door and from there she could gently ease him into more, maybe drink just enough that she shouldn’t drive, succubus sobriety tricks not counting. She was pretty sure he knew it was just an excuse. Except he probably thought she was being sent to check up on him subtly, lucky for him it was nothing so simple.

It turns out, and this realisation comes after dinner and two glasses of wine, that Hotch doesn’t need to be in control, he needs to lose it. That realisation completely floors her, of course it makes complete sense, he’s wound so tight that something was going to give soon and chances are someone would be hurt when it did. To test her theory she announced that she would have to stay the night as she was too tipsy to drive and did he have a spare room? She made it an order not a question and when his protest was only of the token variety and he asked her if the room was okay she knew she was spot on.

She’d snagged his handcuffs as they left the living room and it was too easy to manoeuvre herself to be standing behind him so she could slip the metal, warmed in her bra, around his wrists and dart back in front of him. Laying down her offer for the evening it was impossible to miss the way his dick twitched in his pants and his cheeks heated in shame. Slowly she undressed him, letting nails scrape painfully even as she lightly kissed his body and praised him. Then she used two of his ties to bind him to the spare bed, a third one to gag him before walking out to the lounge room for her bag.

Over several hours she teased him mercilessly, making him get her off over and over again while giving him the pain he felt he deserved. Not so much that he would be hurt but just enough that he would feel like he’d done a certain kind of penance and maybe not be so grouchy. He even let her peg him, admittedly she’d chosen that particular attachment so not to intimidate, but she was still surprised. By the time she let him ejaculate down her throat he was so far gone that his body bowed with a muffled scream and he fell straight asleep.

Quickly she untied him and rubbed his wrists to encourage normal circulation, not that she’d tied him very tightly but she would never risk seriously hurting someone. Wiping a wet cloth over his beautiful body she curled up in his arms and cried softly. Even though the feed had been excellent, she’d enjoyed playing with him and he’d needed to be so dominated, it had still been hard to see such a strong man cry.

Morning sex more than made up for how difficult the previous night had been for Penelope, Aaron woke up before she’d pulled herself out of bed and growled for her to stay. That combined with the morning wood pressed against her was a very good argument. A few minutes later he pinned her wrists above her head and even as he groaned at the marks she’d left he teased her. Despite the very obvious control he held over her Aaron was gentle and tender, kissing playfully as she writhed beneath him, crying out for more even as she savoured this other side of him.

Eventually they reached breakfast, hand feeding each other fruit. If she knew he didn’t sleep in the bed he and his wife had shared but rather the one they had then it was none of her business, anything that kept him from spiralling beyond her help like Elle had. He didn’t close the team out again, not completely.

 

Her next target was Emily and it was an easy feat to invite her over and get straight to the point with a searing kiss in the doorway. Breathy promises as she pushed Penelope through the door covered that this would be a onetime thing, never thought of again which was Penelope’s favourite arrangement so she agreed equally breathless.  Despite the quick beginning they were far from fast, they were both stripped down to Emily’s bra, left sock, Penelope’s g-string and stockings by the time they reached the bed. She’d planned to tease with the pin-up girl look but a quality she treasured in herself was spontaneity.

They tumbled into bed and Penelope paused the action to pull out her small box of toys, everything as brightly coloured as anyone would expect from the blonde. There was no submissive, more like a free for all battle for the most orgasms. For the first three orgasms they left the toys to the side preferring to use hands, mouths and a little succubus encouragement to put Emily in the lead for now. Then out came feathers, ice cubes, vibrators and more fun than Penelope had honestly expected. Soon they were a sweaty, content and slightly sticky heap of limbs and Penelope was almost drunk on the sudden influx of energy. Neither wanted to move and both were pretty sure their legs wouldn’t hold them long if they tried.

They lay together commiserating over a lack of mind-blowing sex in their lives, Penelope might have lied a little but it wouldn’t do her friend any good to know that mind-blowing sex was about all Penelope could have. The repetition made it distinctly less mind-blowing and sometimes what she wanted was mediocre sex, just a quick bite of sexual energy with a quick fuck instead of the marathons she was so good at. Then Penelope realised she was complaining about having _too much_ good sex and mentally slapped herself and complained instead about a lack of steady emotional partner.

Eventually they found energy and desire to move, sharing a playfully cramped shower and one last orgasm each. The shower wasn’t too small but it was just small enough that they had to stand pressed together, very intentional on Penelope’s part, she liked to end things playfully. Dressing again they shared one last heated kiss before Emily left, a kiss that made Penelope almost want more despite a very good feed.

 

By the time David Rossi joined the team Penelope had missed a chance with Gideon which didn’t really upset her, the man wouldn’t have been much of a feed.  Even better his replacement should have been the easiest out of the whole team but despite his reputation age seemed to have given him a bit more maturity. Apparently he’d learned that sleeping with co-workers usually didn’t end well, even if it didn’t end badly he didn’t seem to want to risk it despite the obvious attraction. It hadn’t taken much to get an invite to one of his showy formal functions though, a friend date but it still gave her a good chance to seduce him.

Wardrobe mishaps really were an excellent way to flash a little without it coming across as slutty or even intentional but still get a guy thinking. Of course she didn’t want to embarrass either of them too much so she made sure it happened when he was helping her into the car after a night of dancing and champagne. A simple slip of the sleeve so that the neckline fell a bit and for a second he saw enough to know the pattern of her bra before she fixed it with a light blush. An apology prompted him to assure her it was alright and when he showed her to his guest room she carefully tripped right into his arms, a skill that had taken a long time to master.

He really was perfect Just rough enough that she could tell he wasn’t holding back but contradictorily gentle in all the right ways. He understood the importance of a good build up, that a single round could be as good, if not better than multiple rounds if you did it perfectly the first time. It could only be better if there were perfect multiple rounds which, with a little succubus energy encouragement, he managed with extreme skill. Penelope was a very happy woman to learn that his reputation was severely understated and he was quite possibly some of the best sex she’d ever had. She had so much energy the next day that everyone around her was insanely happy.

 

Rossi was a little more flirtatious with her after their night together but not in a way that anyone other than Reid picked up on and the little frown that the genius occasionally sent to her made Penelope wonder. Then Emily was leaving again and Alex Blake was joining the team. Penelope thought she’d never get any from the woman, despite the obvious ability to Penelope had strict rules about sleeping with married people and that was only if both partners gave her consent. So Penelope turned her attention to the doctor who was still giving her tiny frowns occasionally, looking like he was trying to solve a puzzle too complex even for him.

Then he was dating the mysterious phone girl so Penelope backed off again and sated herself with a string of random and only mildly satisfying encounters. While she wished them happiness together she couldn’t help but be a little jealous that now, after such impressive work on her quest, she was going to fail because of a devoted man and a married woman. She considered the idea of talking one or both of the couples into threesomes but quickly realised that it would be highly immoral to do that to her friends.

But just as she was considering the best approach Reid’s girlfriend was killed and he was a complete mess. He stayed in his apartment and literally closed himself off from everyone, blocking their calls and never giving them more than a few knocks when they demanded proof of life. She had to wait for them to have a case before she could get his doorway to herself, using the spare key that Hotch had handed her in case of emergency seemed a little over the top but she wasn’t sure how to make him open the door. Figuring a good place to start was a polite request she called out and was surprised when he actually opened the door to glare at her looking a little like death.

He was angry with her, but that didn’t stop him from letting her look after him. Poor Reid was a mess and so out of it that he didn’t seem to care about anything so she made him shower, fed him something simple but nutritious before making him lie down. He barely spoke and the few words he got out were so hoarse she barely understood them until he was lying with his head in her lap and she was giving him some gentle energy to ease him into feeling less like crap.

 “Are you making me feel better is it just the food and shower?” He asked and she realised he might have remembered what she told him while he was suffering through his own personal hell.

“A bit of both. Do you want me to stop?” She asked being careful to keep her answer ambiguous enough that it could be misinterpreted for the caring behaviour instead of succubus perks.

“Yes, but I need it. There’s a bottle in the bathroom which you should flush when I fall asleep, you’ll find everything, get rid of it all for me?” He asked and she shushed him with tears in her eyes.

“Of course.” She promised in a whisper.

“Did you come to feed off me?” He asked and she searched for some kind of emotion in his voice but found nothing, it was just a question with no indication of what he wanted.

“It wasn’t my plan but I knew it was a possibility. If you think sex would help you then I would love to taste you but if you’re not ready for it yet then I’m happy to find some random on my way back to the office.” Penelope assured and he smiled.

“I need to forget.” He offered and she leant down to kiss his forehead.

“I didn’t think you would remember me telling you what I am.” She whispered and he smiled softly, it was filled with pain but it was the best thing she’d ever seen at that moment.

“I remember everything.” He reminded her and tugged gently at her hair for a kiss. “I wish I didn’t some days.”

“Tell me what you want.” She instructed and he opened his eyes to study her face.

“I don’t want to have to think. Can-can you do that for me?” He whispered and she had to resist the urge to coo at him.

“Honey, I can do whatever you want. So long as it’s consensual and safe I like sex any which way, and it helps that I already know you are going to be very satisfying.” She smiled in a way that bordered a leer but wouldn’t make Reid too uncomfortable.

“How?” He asked, it seemed that even depressed and exhausted he couldn’t turn the inner scientist off.

“When someone fantasies near me I know, it’s like little snacks for me, especially when it’s about me. You, Morgan and Rossi are the best ones for that, Emily was great too but Blake isn’t stepping up in that regard, married people, even the kinky ones are faithful though I do love getting between couples in the most literal way possible.” She pouted playfully and he gave a momentary smile of honest amusement.

“Will you come back after work?” He mumbled and she nodded.

“I’ll clean up a bit here and come back when the team goes to bed. If you’re worried I can bring my laptop here and keep you company, the team won’t mind and I don’t actually need to be at the office.” She offered and he shook his head.

“I’ll be good.” He murmured halfway to sleep already making her smile and pet his hair gently. Quietly she sung him to sleep before going to the bathroom and finding a kit and a small bottle of clear liquid which she took with her. When the team finally called it a night she set a few searches to run while she was away and left for Spencer’s apartment, quietly letting herself in just in case he was still asleep.

He wasn’t asleep but he was in the shower, she pretended to miss the fact that he’d been crying but instead bundled him up in towels and led him back to his bed. Ordering him to lie down still naked she was surprised at how automatically he obeyed. Like Hotch he needed to give up control but unlike Hotch he needed to be hurt and broken down to nothing before he could be put back together again in the normal Dr Reid shape.

Penelope showed him no mercy, the harder she spanked him the more blissful his face looked and when she wrapped a hand around his neck and growled sexy threats in his ear he came with a strangled whine, body arching under her so beautifully. She didn’t stop there, he didn’t just need rough sex, he needed to be pulled apart completely until there wasn’t a single coherent thought in his mind and given his genius that promised to be a challenge.

It took every trick in her fairly exhaustive book to give Reid what he needed and holy hell was it what Penelope needed too! She sucked him, rode him, fingered up, touched, bit, hit and scratched him until he couldn’t even scream her name as his dick twitched in a dry orgasm. Finally he was completely incoherent, it had only taken every single orgasm she could wring out of him and he slumped against the bed somewhere between unconsciousness and complete contentment. Penelope was so full of energy she felt like she could fly if she wanted. Quickly she wrote Spencer a note and left some fruit, a glass of water and two aspirins next to his bed for when he woke up. If he woke up before she returned.

The next time she saw him was with the team, out of state, he’d woken up and gone to help them in the several hours she had to spend at the office to ensure the team could try and catch this guy. Surprised Penelope realised she felt a bit hurt, she had wanted to return to Spencer, to put him back together again. But the work came first and when he returned she was waiting at his place for him and she pegged him roughly against his front door and he fucked her just as rough over the kitchen counter and they tumbled through bed fighting playfully to be on top and broke a lamp in the process. They fell asleep tangled together, bruised but happy.

In the morning she woke to someone curled against her, a particular hardness pressed against her ass and hands gently skimming over her body. Spencer had woken up before her and was waking her up like she normally woke people up, with sex. Moaning she rolled over a little so he was on top of her and he very gently rocked into her without any rush. The only thing better than morning sex was lazy morning sex followed by lazy showering and lazy breakfast before another round of lazy morning sex on the sofa and another lazy shower. It could only have been better if they didn’t have to meet the team for lunch and not look thoroughly debauched at any point.

 

Reid didn’t approach her again and she moved onto Blake, the problem with marriage seemed to resolve itself, all Penelope had to do was let herself be seduced. Being wined and dined was fun, especially since they all knew what was coming but everyone stuck to the script of the evening, light jokes turning sexual until Blake leaned over slightly to kiss her tenderly. Being filmed wasn’t a first but she hadn’t done it since Shane so she was actually a bit nervous but gentle hands and words made her forget all of her anxieties.

They were playful like JJ had been and fairly gentle but they were nowhere near as vanilla as her sweet friend had been. They were energetic and Blake’s husband gave her suggestions that were almost orders but too politely phrased to really count. She and Blake pushed each other both onwards and in physical endurance, by the end they were both panting and refusing to even think of movement, their observer not much better. After a little more joking and slowly returning brains they turned the computers off and Penelope and Blake shared a shower before curling together to fall asleep.

Penelope left a note next to the plate of cookies in the kitchen thanking them for a good time; it wasn’t fair for Blake to wake up with her and not her husband. She refused to risk emotional bonds with one part of a couple, before she’d learned control she’d broken several couples up without intending to. Now she understood that even if both parties consented, sex with one of them had to be just sex, not even friends with benefits and partner’s permission would work.

 

Blake spaced out a little during the slow Monday following their encounter and Penelope could feel she was remembering their night together, thankfully it was largely focused on her husband but it was still gratifying. She sashayed into the pen and flirted a little with Morgan, made a crack or two when Rossi emerged from his office for coffee and decided that she felt like raiding the fridge when Spencer went for his mid-morning coffee. Once they were in the break room he glared the junior agent out.

“Have you slept with the entire team?” He asked in that painfully neutral voice that indicated he cared but gave no hint as to what he actually felt or thought about the topic.

“Why do you want to know?” She fired back trying to work out if this was an attack or if he felt hurt or what the hell he was thinking.

“I’m curious. I’ve noticed you siphon energy off onto us whenever one of us looks down. The few times they notice the correlation between a better mood and your presence they assume it’s just because you’re so happy that they feel a bit better.” He explains it like a scientific theory and he still has no idea what he wants from her, a disconcerting and mildly arousing feeling given that she _always_ knew what people, especially men, wanted from her.

“You have a hard job, sometimes a little extra perk makes it more bearable.” She shrugged, not entirely comfortable talking about this here of all places.

“Have you slept with everyone on the team?” He asked again and while she normally would lie a confirmation slipped out almost without thought. “Even Blake?” He asked sounding upset and she took a guess at why.

“Her husband was watching, giving me direction. JJ hadn’t been dating Will yet and Hotch had already divorced. I’d never break a couple up, never intentionally.” She promised and he nodded slightly relieved.

“Gideon?” He squeaked pulling a face and she laughed, shaking her head.

“He wouldn’t have been a good feed, too bitter and not open to letting it help.” She explained and he nodded not bothering to hide the relief at that.

“Are you happy like this?” He asked and she blinked, it wasn’t something she’d thought of. Sex equalled existence but it wasn’t all there was to life, she had a higher libido than most but she didn’t really see it any different.

“Most of the time. I used to want an emotional connection and I tried it with Shane, being monogamous was killing me, getting a hit of Morgan after so long living off fantasies was amazing. I need the variety and I haven’t found anyone willing to share me as much as I need to live.” She didn’t know why she was telling him this but it was nice to talk about it, like anyone else and their sex life.

“Do you always use people you know or do they just taste better?” He asked and winced at the wording but she giggled.

“They are better, bigger feed and better morning afters, plus they usually feel better for days.” She offered with a shrug. “The only downside is sex injuries and that they’ll sleep longer than normal but that’s what you get for having good sex.”

“Why don’t you just tell whoever you’re dating what you are?” He asked.

“Who would believe it? Even if they did believe me what if it scared them? What if they told other people? It’s too dangerous.” She decided, this was an old argument for her, it was safer to stay hidden.

“I know and I won’t tell anyone else. Would you like to go out with me on Friday?” He asked and she almost dropped the cupcakes she was stealing from White Collar Crime.

“As in a date?” She squeaked and he nodded with the beginnings of a blush. “Yes. Don’t tell the others but I’ve never gotten so much from one night as you gave me the first time, and my partner has never woken up before me.” She winked and it was his turn to almost drop coffee.

“Glad I could be of service.” He offered hesitantly and she giggled. “Does one person always produce diminishing returns or is that only when they are your only sexual partner?” He asked and she realised she didn’t know.

“I don’t know. I think the latter, when I got more fantasies and flirting to feed off he wasn’t as stale but when we were together more often I felt like it was futile, like I was breathing but the air wasn’t what it should be.” She explained and he nodded thoughtfully.

“If we do try and date you need to tell me if I’m not giving you enough freedom, I don’t want you to suffer for me.” He insisted and she nodded, it did seem wise since he already knew what she was. “Also promise me you’ll be safe, I assume diseases aren’t a problem for you but stay away from creeps.” He asked and she smiled, giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

 “I can usually tell what sort of sex people are looking for at clubs, I don’t like the really rough types normally and I’m not defenceless anyway, I can kill with a kiss if I have to but it weakens me as well.  The bigger they are the more energy it takes for me to drain their life, even a petite woman would almost knock me out.” She assured and he looked equal parts relieved and disturbed.

“At least they die happy?” He asked and she nodded.

“It appears to be orgasmic.” She agreed and sighed. “We should return before they send out search parties.” She commented and Reid nodded, brushing her arm gently as he walked past, the rest of the week was going to be unbearable.

 

There was a case which left her cursing unsubs of the world for taking Reid away the Thursday before their first date. For all they could postpone to Saturday or even the next week it was disappointing. To make it worse she was called out as well to look at the unsubs computers after he fled the small town and started a spree that ended in Vegas with suicide by cop, specifically Blake after he managed to surprise JJ and get a lucky shot in at Reid before Blake could get a clear shot. Penelope rushed to his hospital bed on the early Friday morning and swiftly slapped his good arm.

“How dare you get shot!” She screeched at him making Hotch almost smile.

“Yes, I did this on purpose; I love the burning pain of bullet wounds.” He offered back, he only really got sarcastic when injured or extremely annoyed and by the sounds he was both. “I did all of this so I couldn’t take advantage of being in Vegas to see mum, so I had an excuse to not take you out like I promised. Clearly.” He added and Hotch choked on his coffee.

“Does anyone else know?” He asked and Reid realised what he said and blushed.

“You do now.” Penelope offered for the mortified genius. “Is it going to be a problem?” She asked knowing no one would be angry, they’d never dated, it was just sex.

“No. I just didn’t expect that.” Hotch defended and Reid giggled.

“Neither did I to be honest.” Reid agreed. “You sure it’s not a problem, I know you two had a one night thing a while ago.” He pressed needing to be sure no one would be upset.

“That’s all it was. I’ve never felt any kind of claim to Penelope or begrudge her other partners. I’m just surprised.” Hotch assured. “I might be able to talk them into to leaving us here for the weekend, of course we would have to share rooms.” He offered with a sly smile and Penelope clapped her hands.

“Are you up to it Spencer?” She asked wickedly and he groaned.

“Sure, why not? I only got shot in the left shoulder, if I’m careful it should be too bad.” He agreed and Hotch smiled proudly. Penelope gasped and pulled out a teddy bear from her bag, it had a gun in one hand and a book in the other, someone had also added red string to the left shoulder making Spencer snort. “I have no idea what to say to that.” He offered and she bopped him with the toy before setting it down beside him and pulling out coffee beans.

“What else is in the bag?” Hotch asked curiously and when Garcia fidgeted his eyes widened in realisation. “Never mind then. Reid, don’t get kicked out of hospital, you have to stay until at least midday and bed rest actually includes resting.” He reminded and Reid blushed catching on as well so Hotch absconded to the hall before it became awkward.

 

They were surprisingly allowed to stay the whole weekend, apparently the jet suffered technical difficulties. So Reid rested all of Friday as per doctor’s orders, Penelope rode him in a nurse outfit and made someone else help replace the bandages. She also brought him dinner in bed and kept him distracted from the pain as best she could, which was pretty well given that she was a non-narcotic pain reliever.

On Saturday they went and joined the team for breakfast where Morgan lightly teased them for dating though everyone was very supportive. Privately everyone wondered how Spencer would cope with the sexual Penelope they’d seen, something Penelope whispered to Spencer. They went and visited his mum, Penelope figured she might as well meet her now, meet her as a potential partner of her son at least.  It went better than expected; apparently Diana Reid could tell from one look at her son that she was good for him, though he did get a lecture on getting shot.

After seeing her they found a casino where Reid wasn’t banned yet and she coached him in loosing often enough that no one suspect he was counting cards, just that he was lucky. Reid insisted on splitting the winnings after taking the thousand that he put in to start them off out. Penelope most certain did not squeal and ring Derek to tell him how much they had won, it was impressive enough that she had to share while Reid drove them about town, finding one of those invisible restaurants that only the locals knew about and the locals tried very hard to keep it that way.

They had a delicious if not a little over the top dinner, chatting and relishing the lack of awkwardness about the date. There was no embarrassing ‘getting to know you’ phase, no major foot in mouth issues, it felt like two friends hanging out but with a hint of more. Reid stopped them at the hotel so they could change, suggesting she wear club-material, and not standard dance club sort of thing and she dressed following his example. Of course they ran into the team as they walked out of the room they were sharing, unofficially of course.

“Hey pretty boy lil’moma.” Morgan greeted them before biting his tongue and looking at Reid awkwardly.

“Flirt away, it would feel weird if you stopped, plus I know you don’t go further than that.” Reid offered and Morgan clapped him on the shoulder while everyone else realised what they were wearing.

“Penelope dragging you to a club?” Rossi asked humorously and Penelope looked to Reid with a familiar twinkle of mischief in her eye.

“Actually it’s the other way around. I was hoping for a night curled up with room service but how can I refuse him when he pulls those big brown eyes out and does that cute little sigh.” Penelope cried melodramatically and Reid snickered.

“We can sit in hotel rooms literally any other time, it’s not often we’re in Vegas and I’m telling you, this place is absolutely awesome. It’s really exclusive but I know the bouncer and they do shots that as a federal officer I really should report.” Reid whined playing along and Penelope waved a hand as if to say ‘look what I have to put up with suddenly’ and pouted.

“Reid is dragging Garcia to a club. Hotch, how bad was my concussion? Are you sure it wasn’t severe because I appear to be hallucinating?” JJ asked looking bewildered.

“Come on, you know you want to go.” He leaned in close over her should and whispered in her ear. “Don’t you want to know where I learned about sex?” He grinned devilishly at the team when she squeaked with wide eyes.

“Oh god yes. Go! We have to leave! See you all tomorrow! Late!” She yelled dragging Reid past the team who were laughing.

“Take off is at eleven right? We should be up by then.” Reid promised over his shoulder and tripped into the elevator, landing with a thud against the wall.

“Were you being serious?” She asked and he nodded.

“I used to spend my summer break there when I was in college. Mixing drinks, picking pockets and playing in the back rooms, I was at college for a very long time.” He grinned. “But wait till you see it, the place is an old speak easy, they’ve kept the feel of it but now it’s a sex club, a very exclusive one.” He explained and she ooh’ed appropriately.

He drove and parked near some residential places, an older woman peaking through curtains and writing something down. At least their car was safe, Penelope though as Reid took her hand and led her into what looked to be the oldest part of the city, many of the buildings had been missed by the wave of glitz and glamour that had consumed the rest of the city. Even though it looked like apartment houses there were business signs subtly inferring that this was the shady part of town and the fact that there seemed to be more doors than buildings implied that it had always been so. It was well disguised though, from the outside it just looked old and a little poor, but because Spencer had told her about the speakeasy she could see the signs.

Abruptly stopping them at a door that looked a little better than most of the green doors they’d passed Reid knocked three times before waiting and knocking twice more. The door opened and they stepped through to find the scariest looking woman Penelope had seen in her whole life, she looked like the She-Hulk but not green. Reid smiled at her and she crushed him into a big hug that left him flailing until she put him down.

“Lucille, lovely to see you again. Getting a bit soft are you?” He asked and she glared at him.

“I am not soft, you are puny.” She grunted and he grinned broadly and a little goofily.

“You’re certainly less muscular than last time I saw you, last time you threw me out.” Reid pressed on and Penelope wondered if he was insane. “Come on, I can see it, you’ve grown your hair out, you’re actually wearing makeup and your biceps have visible shrunk.” He needled and the she-hulk shot a hand out to crash him against the wall by his neck.

“You never know when to shut up, do you Spencer?” She asked with humour and Reid just grinned. “Fine, yes, I have stopped body building as much. My husband passed, I find working out to be less fun without him.” She answered and Reid looked sad.

“Stane’s dead?” He asked and she nodded, pulling him in for a hug again. “Stane used to own this place, gave me my first job and taught me how to mix any cocktail you could want.” He explained for Penelope who nodded still confused.

“But you are not here to be miserable. Go now, you know the routine, good luck and don’t make me throw you and your lady friend out.” Lucille ordered and Reid nodded.

“My condolences, he was a good man.” Reid said and pulled Penelope into the next room. “Right, take off any clothes that will get in the way of what you want tonight. I suggest making use of their tunics, it really is so much better, and they get thoroughly washed every use so despite what happens they are clean.” Reid assured and pulled his long sleeve shirt of revealing a black tank top with tears and swapped his pants for one of the tunics which he rolled down into a skirt. Penelope shrugged and pulled off her outer layers too, leaving the thigh-highs and bra on under the sheerest and shortest tunic she could find in the pile.

“Ready.” She declared and he kissed her before guiding her into the next room where sexual energy assaulted her senses. “Oh Reid.” She moaned feeling what had been a low level of anticipatory lust turn into full blown ‘fuck me now’ level desperation.

“We can share anyone.” Reid had to raise his voice for her to hear him over the music that was guiding the moans and cries of the writhing fuck floor, calling it a dance floor was an insult to dancing since most people were otherwise engaged. Around the ‘dance’ floor were booths where small groups of people were in various positions some fairly impressive ones.

“You worked here?” She asked shocked and he laughed.

“It was just a nightclub back then, one where blowing your partner on the dance floor was all cool, but the dance floor had a lot more dancing back then. Like all things it evolved.” Reid explained and Penelope nodded before pointing to a woman with roughly the same colour hair as Reid, she was tall and thin and model-pretty and Reid raised an eyebrow at her.

“I want you to fuck her while she eats me out.” Penelope informed him and with an impish grin he grabbed her hand and bounded over to his female double, repeating the request in a frank way that would get him slapped and thrown out of any other night club. Instead she looked them up and down before nodding and the three of them moved to an empty booth.

From there the both agreed on who to invite over to their booth next. Sometimes Reid watched, guiding whoever was the outsider, often being the one to get rough if that’s what the other person wanted. Penelope was amazed at how frank everyone was, people literally walked up to each other and yelled ‘I want you to roughly fuck me in the ass and can I call you daddy?’ while the other person yelled back something like ‘only if I can call you my ex-wife’s name’ to which the other person would either agree or disagree and that was it. She did everyone a favour and cured a guy of an STD he probably didn’t know he had yet and turned to Reid after several different partners.

“Let’s have a break.” She asked and he nodded, guiding her to the bar and buying them drinks, apparently everyone paid on the way out for their drinks. It made sense seeing as some people didn’t even have clothes on and no one was really up to working out money, even the bartenders looked a little stunned. “You enjoying this?” She asked grateful for being able to speak normally at last, the bar seemed to be the quietest place.

“Immensely.” He answered in a way that indicated he knew she was sharing her enjoyment with him and he didn’t care one bit. “I notice you seem to be leaning towards women, is that a normal thing or out of respect for me?” He asked and she smiled into her drink, he really couldn’t turn his brain off easily.

“Bit of both, I have no gender preference and I thought you would prefer it if I let you chose the men.” She explained and he nodded.

“So long as you go home with me I can tolerate you enjoying other guys, just try not to pick ones with a strong resemblance to someone we know.” He added as an afterthought realising that he might actually get a bit jealous then and he didn’t want to find out just how jealous that would make him.

“Deal. Just like you don’t pick women who look like someone we know.” She added to keep things fair, she wasn’t generally insecure about sex but emotional things were another story.

“Sounds fair. No one who looks like anyone we know, especially work people or past partners.” Reid agreed and must have seen something in her face because he suddenly smiled widely. “Emotional ones, if it was just sex it doesn’t count.” He clarified and she sighed.

“Shall we get back to it?” She asked and he pointed to a man of considerable physique and whispered a suggestion into her ear and they were off again, fucking like rabbits.

 

“Jesus I’m tired.” Penelope groaned leaning completely against Reid who was leaning against the elevator wall, both of them would fall down without that wall.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired before.” Reid bemoaned in agreement and the elevator doors  dinged, opening up and they traded miserable looks before leaning on each other and slowly stumbling down the hall.

“I think I pulled a muscle in my thigh.” She complained trying to shake it out and crashing them into a random door. “Sorry.” She apologised to Reid and they continued their stumbling journey.

“Who gave us the room at the end of the hall? Why did we accept this arrangement? I’m supposed to be a genius.” Reid complained and they finally reached their door as another one opened and JJ stuck her head out and groaned.

“What time is it?” She asked them and Penelope looked at her phone while Reid opened the door.

“Nearly six.” Penelope answered and Reid groaned, wrapping an arm around her and dragging her inside.

“Four and a half hours sleep if we shower now.” He promised.

“I think I have spunk in my hair.” She groaned and they showered blearily and fell into bed, barely remembering to set alarms. Instead of a nice beeping sound they woke up to someone pounding on their door making Reid swear and roll out of bed since he was closer.

“Someone had better be dying.” He called as he unlocked the door to stare at Rossi. “What the fuck are you waking us up for?” He demanded and Penelope moaned something that was either agreement or threat.

“We’re leaving in ten.” Rossi smiled as they both made sounds of hateful pain.

“Sleep.” Penelope groaned. “I need more than four hours sleep, especially after last night. God I’m hung over, I haven’t been hung over in years.” She complained and Reid closed the door.

“Let’s dress and sleep on the plane.” He suggested and they both managed to dress and stumble, with their bags, down to the lobby where they ran into Hotch, literally ran into him and fell to the floor with him.

“What are you two wearing?” Hotch asked trying not to smile as he got two glares from half-closed eyelids. “Garcia, that is certainly Reid’s shirt and I’m pretty sure Garcia was wearing that shirt the other day.” He explained and they looked at each other and groaned.

“Don’t care. Sleep.” They agreed and pulled their jackets closed to hide the mistake.

“How did you not notice that?” He asked as he guided the two zombies to an SUV.

“Sleep Hotch. I think Lucille cracked a rib.” Reid turned his complaint to Garcia who giggled and poked said rib making Reid yelp in pain. “Hotch.” He whined. “Make the sun go away.” He complained and Hotch couldn’t hold back a laugh any longer. Instead he quickly drove to the airport, and had to wake them up again when they arrived.

Reid tripped on the stairs to the plane and sprawled in the doorway, rolling over and curling up on the ground near the door clearly too tired to move any further and Morgan picked him up and buckled him in, Garcia didn’t do much better, falling asleep the second she sat beside Reid and buckled up. They both had hickies on their necks and Reid had a feint black eye and fingerprints around his neck and they both looked exhausted but very refreshed.

“What the hell did they do last night?” Rossi asked looking vaguely impressed.

“Apparently he bruised a rib and they are impressively hung over.” Hotch offered with a tiny hint of a smile.

“We danced, set things on fire, beat a potential rapist up, had sex and obviously got extremely drunk, I think I might actually still be drunk because I just answered that honestly.” Reid answered concisely and appeared to fall back asleep.

“I’m concerned and impressed.” Morgan decided a minute later and everyone echoed their agreement.

 

Penelope and Reid woke up about ten minutes before the plane would begin to land, both sculling coffee like it was what gave them life. They didn’t stop grinning at each other the whole time and everyone was amazed that they were working so well. Unfortunately Morgan couldn’t keep the question to himself any longer and Reid had to explain Lucille and why his neck had fingerprints on it, thankfully that was all they had to explain. The sex club stayed a secret, not that the team couldn’t know just, it would be awkward if they found out, especially given it was _Reid_ who had suggested it.

They drove home, both sensing that it was time for a serious conversation rather than fantastic sex. Given that sex was about the last thing on either of their minds at the moment it was fairly easy to begin, both of them curling up in bed with Chinese. They ate contently, not rushing to the conversation but not stalling it either, just comfortable in the knowledge that they would reach it soon and there was no rush. After they finished they quickly put leftovers in the fridge and everything else in the bin before quickly showering and rubbing a bruise cream into each other’s marks from the previous evening and Penelope winced as she helped replace the bandage on Reid’s arm. Content they crawled into bed.

“Why would you want to date me, knowing what I am?” Penelope whispered and Reid blinked, that wasn’t what he had expected.

“Have you seen yourself? You’re beautiful, sweet and caring, you help the whole team in secret even though it has to have a toll on you. You’re a succubus that wants a proper relationship, who doesn’t particularly enjoy random sex and has strict moral guidelines on who you’ll sleep with, and you always seem to give back some of the energy  to the person you fed off. Then your mind, when faced with a computer puzzle you truly are a goddess.” Reid took her hands and kissed one, the energy flowing between them wasn’t sexual but it was giving her a kick anyway and she wondered why she’d never felt this before. He kissed her chastely. “You astound me.” He whispered against her lips and she shivered.

“You amaze me too. Even without my help you would have done everything the same, I only ever made it a little bit easier for you, with your addiction I just made it easier on your body, you did all the work.” She assured. “You think like no one I’ve ever met and fuck like it’s the only thing left in this world, you seem almost immune to me, you don’t pass out as long as most, I can’t influence you as much, it’s amazing. You’re stunning physically and you scare me with how brave you are and you let yourself be vulnerable even though you’ve been hurt. Above all you are very much like me, a smile from you and everyone is just a little bit happier.” Garcia smiled and kissed him chastely in return.

“You’re giving me energy?” He asked and she nodded. “You glow after a good feed, you look happier.” He whispered and she blinked at him.

“Not sexier?” She asked and he shrugged.

“You’re always sexy, but no, I don’t think a good feed makes a difference.” He wondered if she was meant to appear sexier after feeding.

“Strange. Normally it catches eyes, makes people fantasise about what happened  and tell me I look hot.” She replied and hummed. “Also strange is this energy you’re giving, it’s not sexual.” She added hesitantly, not sure if she should raise it.

“You’ve never felt it before?” He asked shocked.

“No, sexual, post-coital, never this. It’s softer but stronger at the same time, feels like I could drown in it and never be happier.” She tried to explain, how do you explain something that just is to you? It was like trying to describe colour, or taste, or sound, or an orgasm to someone who’d never experienced it.

“It’s love Penelope. I love you.” He forced the words past his own fear and she looked at him sharply, searching his face for the lie before breaking into a smile and kissing him gently.

“I love you too Spencer, maybe monogamy wouldn’t kill me if you keep giving this off.” She mused. “It’s better than sex.”

“We’ll see. For once I’m not afraid of what could go wrong, we’ll work it all out and we’ll do it together.” Reid murmured and Garcia smiled, curling into him and humming in contentment as he wrapped his body around hers almost protectively. Yes, the feeling was certainly love, and she was happy to let it consume her and sweep her away so long as Spencer would always be by her side.


	2. No Good Deleted Plane Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was a plane wreck of a chapter but I couldn't bring myself to delete it so please find some amusement in my complete and utter failure at this bit, don't judge it too harshly, I know it's all wrong though part of me wants to write about the Lucille/Spencer relationship because it sounds insane. Especially the bar fight at the end.

“We danced and we drank and we had sex, we had lots of sex, I don’t think I ever want to have sex again, I’m joining a monastery when we get home.” Reid grumbled and Penelope snorted indicating they weren’t quite asleep.

“For at least a week. I hurt in places I didn’t even know were possible.” Garcia agreed and it was Reid’s turn to snort while the team looked at each other in shock. “I don’t believe you worked there.” She added earning another round of shock.

“Regular nightclub then, learned to give a blowjob in the death room while hiding from cops, found out what a gun-kink was.” Reid mumbled and Hotch realised he had to step in before his eyebrows flew away from his face but couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Is there a muscle near my boob? I think I pulled something.” Garcia groaned and Reid smiled faintly.

“Might be your shoulder, it got pulled pretty sharply by the guy, Bob? Bruce? It started with B.” Reid answered. “I can’t feel my arm.” He complained and shifted, peering down at his injured arm and groaning. “Pen, I’m bleeding again. I hope B-guy went to a doctor, I hit him pretty hard.”

“Not as hard as Lucille threw him out. She-hulk. Angry she-hulk.” Garcia giggled. “Unsub in the making.”

“Unintelligent, narcissistic rapist, the police will catch him, Lucille gives them names. I think he’ll be too sore for quite a while anyway.” Reid offered comfortingly.

“I’m amazed he could walk. Impressive crotch-shot, he’s a soprano now.” She joked.

“God, I can’t believe I did that. I haven’t been in a bar fight since, I can’t remember right now. Last one was over Star Trek of all things, I have no idea how I got dragged into it but I’ve never gone to a bar with Alice again because one minute I’m with this gorgeous red-head and the next I’m getting stabbed. Ugh, I can’t sleep here, I need coffee.” Reid decided and opened his eyes to find the team staring at them. “We were talking louder than we thought?” He asked and they nodded. “He deserved worse than a crotch-shot, least he only dislocated my bad shoulder.” Reid offered and saw that he could unbuckle, going straight for the coffee.

“B-guy?” Morgan asked in concern.

“Idiot. Asked to dance with us and we said no so he pulled Pen off me and tried to rape me. Dangers of the old town, you can find a fledgling unsub in about twenty minutes if you look, faster if you’re underage. Lots of paedophiles if you go on a Sexy Saturday night, psychopaths prefer Wild Wednesday, cops used to like the Force Friday, bastards never tip.” Reid complained before sculling one cup of coffee and pouring a second.

“The hell?” Blake asked eloquently and Reid opened his eyes finally.

“My arm hurts.” Reid complained. “I think I’m hung over too.” He added miserably.

“Come here, I can fix that.” Penelope mumbled and he obediently sunk down next to her, missing the seat and landing on the floor looking a little surprised. Penelope reached out and massaged his head with a deep look of concentration. “Why are you awake? How are you awake?”

“I’m too sore to sleep now that I got woken up.” Reid offered and Garcia groaned in agreement. “I’m getting too old for that club, I swear I was never this tired when I was fifteen.”

“You said it was tamer then. Plus, you were working not dancing.” She pointed out. “Spencer.” She dragged it out as a whine. “Did someone set the table on fire at some point? I seem to remember fire and my skirt is singed.” She asked fingering the singed portion of her skirt.

“When we were dancing on it with the French couple? That was me, I found the burning alcohol and it sounded like fun. Did you miss the fire-breathing contest?” Reid asked and Garcia opened her eyes in dismay.

“You breathed fire? God damn if I weren’t so tired I would find that hot. Hmm, is that how you set the table on fire?” She asked and he laughed and shook his head.

“Two words; mini Molotov’s.” Reid offered and Garcia smiled. “You asked for a Backdraft, I think I did a shot of that and a body shot. Then me and the stripper challenged each other to a shot duel and brought out the fire swords, I remember half a bottle of vodka, I don’t remember what I mixed it with.” Reid winced.

“What’s a backdraft?” JJ asked.

“Strong.” Morgan whispered. “It takes a bit of practice but you have to set the whole thing on fire before you can drink it.”

“Ohh, I remember you sword fighting with that guy. Spencer darling, never let me drink anything that strong again.” Garcia requested.

“Only if you never let me touch tequila, I can’t remember a thing when I drink that.” Reid asked and they both shook hands. “Aren’t you glad you agreed to go out with me?” He asked with a smile.

“God yes but give me a week to recover before the second date, and make it boring, like an opera.” Garcia pleaded.

“There’s this one opera I know where the actors do their best to get the audience to have an orgy at every performance. I’m told it’s usually successful.” Reid teased and Garcia waved a hand at him limply.

“No. Do you hate me being able to walk?” She asked and he laughed.

“You’re not the one who pulled a muscle in their ass, there’s a purple line down my ass and thigh. And I think I left a dint in the wall from greeting Lucille, Hotch is going to pitch a fit when he sees my neck.” Reid murmured and Hotch studied Reid’s neck.

“Reid, did someone try to strangle you?” Hotch demanded sharply and Reid groaned.

“Just Lucille. Psychopathic ex and excellent comrade in a bar fight, I hooked her up with her husband who died a little while ago.” Reid answered.

“You dated she-hulk? I’m thoroughly impressed by your bravery and can I ask how you two had sex without killing each other?” Garcia asked curiously.

“Now you have to explain.” JJ insisted. “Did she hurt you often?”

“You make it sound abusive. We were in lots of bar fights when I was young. One time she yelled ‘cannonball’ in my ear, picked me up and threw me at the others, effective way to knock them out and give me the guns. You guys forget I was not only born in Vegas but I was at college for nearly ten years as a teenager. It was amazing. As for sex well, it was violent and furniture died, once we knocked down a support wall and had the roof collapse on us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was where I decided that if I continued any further it would be shame. I had the inkling a while before but it was fun to write, the kind of fun that you know is lame or plain stupid but that doesn't make it less fun.


End file.
